I lay down staring up at the ceiling

I cannot sleep

My mind has become a raging sea of thoughts

Ambivalence soon takes over me—

A feeling that is hard to articulate in words . . .


I start to over analyze every situation that took place in that given day

Feelings of anxiety, sadness, and regret haunt the back of mind.

I cannot escape them.


My thoughts jump from one place to another

Like a never-ending catastrophic spiral

This is too much for my brain to handle—

I try to fight them


But my mind continues to blabber away;

I tell myself that I should just let all these things go

But I cannot

The world begins to collapse on top of me

And I drown out all other sounds

So that all I can hear are my own self-destructive thoughts

“Why must I do this to myself?” I ask

But I know I can’t control it

I know that no matter what I do

These feelings will find a way to disrupt my mind.


Hours go by . . .

And eventually, the chaotic orbit of thoughts begins to settle down

And for that brief moment, everything is calm

And I rest


For I know the next night my mind will do it all over again.




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