I once loved looking to the stars. I took comfort in the sameness of them. Gazing at the sky left me full of curiosity and wonder. The constellations took my mind to places I’ve only ever dreamed of. I would stare at the night sky and try to count the stars, and, of all the 200 billion trillion stars, you were my favorite. You were greater than the planets, the comets, and the sun. When I would lay on my back and gaze at all the stars, I was infatuated with you. The sun is to Earth as you were to me. My whole life revolved around the idea of you. You were my driving compass, my North Star.
It was great at first. You were nice. I was happy. Then, the sky went dark. All the stars in the sky burned out, but you shone so brightly that you dimmed my light until I burned out with them. Still, you shone brightly, guiding my decisions and paths once again. This time, you led me so far astray until I looked to the stars and saw nothing but you. Your light blinded me to your darkness. You were my driving compass, my North Star.
For a while, I only saw you. I began to resent nighttime all together. I grew sick of seeing the same thing and that thing being you. I used to pride myself on my independence, so I tried to make it stop. I really did. I became a small dot in the sky, and you, a supernova. Gazing at the sky left me scared and full of hatred and the constellations were gone with just a faint memory left. The 200 billion trillion stars were gone, and there was just one. I began to realize that, in my head, I made you greater than the planets, the comets, and the sun. Every decision of my life revolved around what you wanted. You were my driving compass, my North Star.
Until, you weren’t. Soon, I gathered the courage to see all the stars in the sky again while you slowly burned out. Your shine became diluted by the planets, the comets, and the sun. The girl inside me, that you overshined, emerged and dimmed your light. The girl who once loved looking to the stars and dreaming about the constellations is back. Now, when I lay on my back and gaze up, I see all 200 billion trillion stars and not just one. You will always be here, surrounded by all the stars in the sky. Sometimes, you still shine brighter in my eyes, but you are no longer my driving compass, my North Star.
Photo Credit: eons.org