Is Love an Art or a Commodity?
In an age where social media dictates much of our perceptions, the concept of love has been both overanalyzed and misunderstood. From TikTok advice to Instagram-perfect relationships, society’s views on love often reduce it to a passive, transactional experience. But true love is far from the effortless ideal we see online—it’s an active art that requires practice, effort, and self-awareness.
Working for love.
Love usually isn’t something we “fall” into, unless we live in a romcom or trip and meet our future partner—it’s more like a skill or art form that demands dedication and faith. Just as you can’t become a great artist or pianist without consistent practice, you can’t have a fulfilling relationship without actively working on it. Love requires effort, intentionality, and the courage to navigate difficulties rather than giving up when challenges arise. Treating love as an activity shifts the focus from simply being lovable to learning how to genuinely love others. This means moving away from superficial notions tied to appearances or material gestures like the biggest valentines gifts or 3 week anniversary instagram posts; love is about a connection with someone else where you share your joy, sadness, humor, or interests.
The Influence of Social Media
Social media platforms have amplified distorted views of love, often presenting it as something effortless and perfect. Viral trends like “if he wanted to, he would” encourage people to assume their partners should instinctively know their needs without communication. This creates unrealistic expectations that undermine the foundation of healthy relationships: mutual understanding and dialogue. Social media also promotes a hyperreal version of love, where curated images and highlight reels replace the messy, everyday realities of real relationships. These polished portrayals can make people question the authenticity of their own experiences, fostering dissatisfaction and insecurity.
Redefining “Red Flags”
The term “red flags” has gained immense popularity online, often being misapplied to minor annoyances or differences in personal preference. While it’s crucial to identify genuine deal breakers like dishonesty or abuse, many so-called red flags are simply misunderstandings or areas for growth. The internet has created a culture where strangers offer advice based on 15-second clips, leading people to doubt relationships that might otherwise be healthy. Trusting one’s own intuition and evaluating relationships based on personal experience is far more valuable than adhering to fleeting online opinions.
How We Should Define Love
You might be thinking, “Okay, Samantha, who broke up with you? This is kind of depressing.” But honestly, I tend to have the most idealistic views of love. I grew up on romcoms and Jane Austen novels— I mean, I can recite the entire script for How To Lose a Guy In 10 Days and The Notebook. But at the heart of it all, love is about connection. As Jo March says (and most of us, even if we don’t admit it), “I care more to be loved.” And that’s where we find the truth. The desire to be loved is a natural, deeply human need, but the way we love others often holds more weight than the way we want to be loved. It’s easy to become obsessed with checking off a list of things that we hope to receive or expect from others. Love isn’t about playing the part or ticking off boxes from a checklist or vision board we made; it’s about the realness that comes from being vulnerable and accepting someone, flaws and all, into your life.
To embrace real love, we need to tune out the noise of social media and its unrealistic expectations. Love is personal, complex, and imperfect. It doesn’t fit into neat TikTok trends or Instagram aesthetics. Instead of chasing a hyperreal version of romance, we should focus on the messy, beautiful reality of loving and being loved.
Love isn’t a commodity or a performance. It’s a connection that requires effort, honesty, and the courage to be real. By moving past the online spectacle, we can create relationships that aren’t just for show but truly fulfilling.
Photo Credit: Pinterest
