Sunlight flooded the austere room, rainbows dancing on the walls. If this Neanderthal moved me over 2 inches, I’d be on my way to a decent meal. I was desperate. My alluring leaves were dwindling and I’d lost all my ravishing flowers. I was no longer Juliet, the plant that all plants envied; I was simply an unwanted, unkempt weed.
Who permitted this Neanderthal to withhold a creature as majestic as I? Plants of my grandeur are typically acquired at posh flower shops by wealthy divorced women that reek of cigarette smoke. But look at me! Purchased in a grimy discount supermarket and disposed of in a putrid college dorm. Was the Neanderthal not aware of my striking beauty? Did he not know that I’m worth more than the grubby old Dixie cup that I inhabit?
My unfortunate circumstance needed to be resolved swiftly. I saw what happened to Dill. He wasn’t anywhere near as picturesque as I, but he was my only companion. I watched him wither away, acutely deprived of sunlight. And the apathetic Neanderthal just let him die, not even taking any notice.
It was life or death. I wiggled my roots, a struggle, of course, for a delicate plant such as I. But I focused all my strength on propeling myself towards the gleaming light, and the delicacy of the energy lingered on my palate.
Alas, how humiliating! Not only were my perished leaves, along with the final shreds of my dignity, scattered all over the linoleum floor, I was transpiring. A plant as irresistible as I, transpiring! How was transpiration even possible? I had been suffering a paucity of water for days. This was enigmatic, inscrutable!
I persisted, catapulting myself into the dazzling sunshine and accidentally tipping my tattered abode. I expected to feel instant relief, but I felt zilch. I inspected the source of the brilliant light, discovering that it was the Neanderthal’s grotty desk lamp. I would receive nothing from my endeavor and would have to remain scattered across the desk, surrounded by unsightly leaves and torrid soil, until the end of time.
Photo Credits: Reader’s Digest