Oh. Oh okay. So you’re going to compare me to a “summer’s day”? Are you sure about that? You really need to watch where you’re going with this. Sure, it might all sound nice, but knowing you, Shakespeare, there has got to be an underlying meaning to this. A summer’s day . . . on one hand, you could be considering the warm sun, green grass, and the beautiful feeling of absolute freedom. On the other hand, maybe you’re comparing me to blazing heat and humid air. And that is absolutely, completely unacceptable. What if you’re saying that our love is dry and unpleasant? How do you think that makes me feel? And then when I read the next line I was absolutely horrified! Temperate?? Yes, I did notice that first you said lovely, but then you followed that with temperate! Oh, dear. That is incredibly offensive, William. What do you think of when you hear the word temperate? Mild, average, regulated, discreet, boring. How dare you! I can take the emotional turmoil that comes along with being compared to a summer’s day, but this is beyond what I can handle. I cannot and I will not tolerate these accusations of being boring.
Moving on to the next line of your little sonnet, I must address the “rough winds” you speak of. That better not be referring to me. Rough winds? If this is about that little fight we had earlier, I will be outraged. Do you hear that, Will? I will be outraged! Not to mention all of this talk about summer being too short. We all know I am being compared to summer here, so what are you trying to say? I’m short? Short what? Short tempered maybe? I know you don’t want to bring this up again. Yes, I know you’re still mad about me snapping at you for being so focused on your plays and stuff. But you can’t blame me for just wanting a little good attention.
All of this is just my way of responding to your ever so popular Sonnet 18. If you can write out some random message, so can I. Sorry Will, but you just aren’t that special. Your name is Shakespeare for goodness sake. Good luck making that one go down in the history books.
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