November 2017. $uicideBoy$ House of Blues. The first time I completely let go of the anxiety and melancholy that dictated my life.
One year later, life hasn’t changed. The monotonous routine of school, sports, and work controls my life to the point of insanity. However, one thing has changed—my ability to transport myself back to that night and “let go.” As I immerse myself in their words, the burdens of life lift off my shoulders as my heart beats faster and my palms begin to sweat.
When I struggle with depression, I am reminded in Kill Yourself (Part III) that I am not alone.
When I feel pressured, Ruby tells me to, “Slay the f-ing sheep, so evil” and kill the conformity in the world.
When I’m annoyed with someone, I relate to, “Lil Slick real slick, don’t talk sh**.”
When I struggle with prejudice, $crim reminds me to “Take these shoes, last a day.”
The past four years were dominated by delusion, fury, and depression.
That is why November 2017 was the first time I truly “let go.” That is why I feel exhilarated when I listen to “Paris.” That is why their music speaks to so many people. That is why I feel consumed but unconstrained by their music.
As they take the stage, conflicting emotions—euphoria, fury, depression, anticipation, envy—consume my mind as their figures become the center of my attention. Thousands of others share my experience, releasing years of pent up emotions as $crim and Ruby perform. Looking around, I realize I found solace in the company of thousands of strangers, so different, yet exactly like me.
In that moment, nothing else matters as the House of Blues becomes my temporary Eden.
*Information and pictures provided by Aiden G. I merely embroidered his words into a piece.
Photo Credits: Christian Park