Laudan Payne ’21

Scrolling aimlessly on my tiktok for you page, the fragmented audios tend to blur together into one hazy monotonous sound.

Each video just feels the same.  

Wish I were the type of girl you wanna take home to mama 

Pause, I’m pretty sure it’s a song I’ve heard before, who wrote it? SZA? 

The type of girl your fellas would be proud of 

I sigh, 1 million likes for a pretty girl with blonde hair and blue eyes lip syncing black girl lyrics. Typical. 

I wish I were a normal girl 


Definitely SZA, about her feeling unwanted as a darkskin I think. Understandable.Weird that this girl copped a million likes for that message I guess. Whatever, next video. 

Your mother wouldn’t approve of how my mother raised me 

Pause, I’m pretty sure this one is by Mitski. But the girl in the video has an american flag in the background, not sure what she thinks the song is about.  

And you’re an all american boy, guess I couldn’t help trying to be your best American Girl 

Pause. Unrelated but I can’t help but cringe at all the times I’ve tried to change to fit THAT narrative. And this girl literally is American…my Iranian family could never. Anyways, next video. 

If you get 60 seconds please stop and listen to what’s going on in-

Instant scroll. I can’t keep doing this, it’s mentally taxing. I’ll read about it tomorrow. 

After about 30 seconds more of scrolling, I decide to put my phone down and sleep.

It is exhausting to go on like this. It’s been months.

Each video feels the same. 

Photo Credit: NBGA Astro